Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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