She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
