I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
