You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
