Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
