i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
