So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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