Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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