Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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