Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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