Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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