I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
