i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
