Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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