So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
