...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drake has all the answers
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
