DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
