at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
