I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
