i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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