I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am available for nakedness
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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