I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
