I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
