About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
