i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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