you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
