dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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