An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
