to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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