and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
