I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
