A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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