i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
