Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
