Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
