but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
