thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My cat gives me a boner
even my farts smell like vagina
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
