I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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