super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
