and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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