i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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