I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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