when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
