Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
