I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
