You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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