i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
