Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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