oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
