Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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